You’re 25 years old, the chances are you’ve completed your education, started your first job, you can probably drive, and you spend your free-time socialising and wondering what lies ahead. This is also the age that researchers predict you will start to lose friends.
Whilst attitudes vary according to culture and location, a 2016 study conducted by the University of Oxford concluded that the maximum number of friendships for females generally occurs at the age of 25. In your early twenties friends are the most important thing in your life but by their late twenties many women are worrying that friends are disappearing and the time for socialising in a big group is over. Times, however, may be changing. Socially and politically female solidarity is evident globally, and culturally women are celebrated as not only more sociable but also more supportive of each other.
In the media the notion of female friendship is still very much alive. In February, MOJEH reported the rise of the #GirlSquad with the likes of Hadid and Swift popularising the idea that a large group of female friends is a good thing. As Susan Devaney revealed in MOJEH Issue 34 the word ‘feminist’ and the concept of ‘feminism’ are being talked about like never before. What does this mean in the 21st century? World events are also highlighting a heightened sense of female unity. Take the recent protests held by women in Latin America. In the last 12 months females in Mexico, Bolivia, Colombia, Argentina and Brazil have come together in a series of protests, designed to highlight gender violence in their largely ‘macho’ societies.
World events are also highlighting a heightened sense of female unity
During the Sixties and Seventies you were nothing if not part of a movement, whether that be Warhol and Sedgwick’s Golden Circle or the explosive friendships of fashion, played out in Paris by the likes of Saint Laurent and Lagerfeld. Today, the success-hungry attitudes associated with the Eighties are passé, but we do find women like Cathy Horyn asking ‘Are There Real Friends in Fashion?’ following a critique of her friendship with L’Wren Scott. Indeed fashion is typically filled with controversy, but look to the likes of Alamira Noor Bani Hashim and you can believe that the answer to Horyn’s question is a resounding “yes”.
The curious thing about science is that we seldom fit perfectly into its stereotypes. Marriage and maternity were once the order of the day for twenty-somethings, but now as our lives take a less structured route, the notion that women should turn their full attention to their spouse feels outdated. As women marry later in life due to career choices and shifts in social attitudes, friendships can offer an integral support system offering fulfillment and reassurance, traditionally associated with romantic love. And whether we want work friends or not, science says they do have a place in our lives with positive effects upon our engagement and productivity. “Research is showing that a certain type of friendship can be encouraged in the workplace”, says Afridi. Although this is friendship in the professional sense rather than the emotionally driven group mentality we see among the women of South America or the girl gangs of LA. The psychologist adds that the type of friendship prescribed for the office is not the lean on me and cry kind, but rather the work together and enjoy each other’s company kind.
Whilst launching Café 57 with her close friend, Buthaina Al Mazrui, they were both supported by what many would deem to be their direct competitors. “There is room for everybody… we’ve never faced any cattiness but rather real support and pride from others.” Inline with Bani Hashim’s notions about female support, the likes of McCartney and Paltrow openly flaunt their friendship with letters of admiration posted on Goop.com and Paltrow attending McCarnety’s 16’ Pre-Fall show as her +1. And whilst we can only imagine the lucrative benefits that the Jenner/Hadid girl gang might attract, we do like to hope there is some authenticity in their circle as starting conversations around female unity can only be a positive thing. “I don’t think our industry has “girl gangs” per say, but within our office you find different friends with similar lifestyles and interests,” says Farah Zoghbi, The Qode. “Naturally, you tend to flock towards those and make your own group.”
In fact Argentina has been home to its very own celebrated ‘girl gang’ since the Seventies. During the period of military dictatorship the Mothers of the Plaza de Mayo came together to march against the disappearance of their children, putting pressure on the government and drawing attention to Argentina’s dire human rights status. Though the circumstances of their bond are unnerving, what can be taken away from these displays of female solidarity is the game-changing nature of their sisterhood. These women are empowering one another, making headway in their fight for social justice not self-promotion.
Further reinforcing the staying power of female friendship, psychologists tell us that we, as females, develop our sense of identity based upon our social groups. This is an innate element of our gender coding, “Girls tend to swarm together and there usually is a ‘queen bee’ who is leading that group. Women/girls are wired to be in ‘social groups’,” says Dr. Saliha Afridi, Lighthouse Arabia. This sense of self-confirmation via group association also spills over into the workplace.
Marriage and maternity were once the order of the day for twenty-somethings, but now the notion that women should turn their full attention to their spouse feels outdated
“Not all friendships are created equal”, notes Afridi and far from defining our friendships in one swift category, our friendships vary as greatly as the stories behind them. We can all agree that some girls we aligned ourselves with during our teenage years may have been influenced by external circumstances like popularity and proximity but the connections we make in later years are supposedly more solid. “If a friendship forms in adulthood it is usually maintained because it is formed by two people who have a sense of self and a level of confidence to figure out what they like and dislike.”
Rather than losing popularity as the stats suggest, perhaps by the age of 25 we are simply more in-tune with the type of woman we are and the type of woman we want in our life. This is the type of contemporary connection that Bani Hashim describes with Al Mazrui, referring fondly to her friend as more of a ‘sister’ she explains that by working together they are more likely to reach their personal and professional goals. “We always step in for each other no matter what. We’re both go getters and wildly determined so we make sure, no matter what, the other person comes up with we find a way to make their vision happen.” And whilst the social sampling of our teenage years may not hold up, as we enter into the years of anticipated motherhood, marriage and professional advancement perhaps there is something to be said for saving a special space for sisterhood.
