Distinguishing between vanity and self-confidence can be difficult these days, especially since we live in a society filled with celebrities and an obsession with social media. For example, Kim Kardashian-West has readily admitted that she has no special talent. "Right now is the most time in my life that I can be 100% selfish," she arrogantly said in a 2010 episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians. She continued: "I'm not married and I don't have any kids and I can focus on being successful at my job. This is a sentiment shared by many today. After all, we are the Me Generation, or the generation born between 1946 and 1964, a generation that was characterized by self-love and narcissistic traits, which makes us a more self-centered and self-loving generation.
This seems to be the dominant perspective of the modern woman. She likes to claim that she is the best at everything, even more so than the previous generation. She measures her fame and relevance to society by the number of fans she has on Instagram. She is always interacting, but only through a cell phone or computer screen, and she grew up watching reality TV shows that are based on documentaries about narcissistic people. Even though we appear calm and in control, deep down inside we are deeply anxious. According to Deloitte studies, we check our phones 46 times a day, and many of us suffer from phantom phone vibration syndrome.
Has our obsession with social media become a pressing need waiting to be fulfilled, and has the changing nature of the job market encouraged selfishness among us? In 1980, philosopher William Jaymes identified self-esteem as a basic human need that is no less important for living a normal life than other emotions such as anger and fear, but as we become more ambitious, demanding, and self-absorbed, we are unconsciously following certain behavioral patterns that are strongly associated with narcissism. But as our ambitions, demands, and preoccupation with ourselves have increased, we have unknowingly developed behavioral patterns that are strongly associated with narcissism.
University of Georgia professor W Keith Campbell, who has written three books on the rise of generational narcissism, explains: "When we talk about narcissism, we have to realize that we're talking about something in psychology that we call 'exaggerated narcissism. This psychological disorder, which we define as an exaggerated sense of self-love and importance, has become a slogan or something that has been recognized over the years. Just like when some people describe themselves as having OCD just because they are organized and detail-oriented.
Apparently, the term narcissism has come to be applied to people we don't like. It's used to describe bad guys and justify the pompous tweets they post on Twitter. Singer Justin Bieber and US President Donald Trump enjoy flaunting his wealth, from his collection of luxury golf resorts to his high poll numbers. As a buzzword for Instagram celebrities who are always preoccupied with beauty, intelligence and unlimited power, the term narcissism is now meaningless. Dr. Campbell adds: "Narcissistic people are very extroverted and attention-seeking," says Dr. Campbell. "They have an overly positive view of themselves. He also emphasizes that self-confidence and narcissism are not as similar as some people claim. He explains: "The resemblance is actually very small. In fact, the two are quite different from each other. Self-esteem and assertiveness greatly enhance a person's mental health, while narcissism is an unhealthy obsession that ultimately leads to unhappiness and depression. Dr. Campbell adds: "The main difference lies in interpersonal cruelty. Narcissists tend to believe that they are better than other people, smarter and more important, and view the people around them as inferior.
They have little or no desire to form deep relationships and are always looking for attention and admiration. At the same time, they are hypersensitive and get very angry when they are challenged or ignored. "People with high self-esteem are a bit different," Dr. Campbell discusses, "they may think they are more attractive than others, for example, but they try to be a better person within socially acceptable limits. They are more morally focused. Despite a few women's desire not to empathize with the people around them, actually caring about the feelings of others and making them a priority in our lives has become a challenge in itself and is difficult to achieve when we live in a society that is all about superficial, unhelpful achievements.
We're constantly bombarded with selfies and full lips, posted by celebrities and influencers like Gigi Hadid, Kendall Jenner, and Rihanna. At the top of the list is selfie queen Kim Kardashian-West, who published a book titled Selfish featuring a variety of her own selfies. Social media, filled with pictures of gym-goers and luxury travelers, can contribute to our unrealistic expectations and create a sense of inadequacy, inability to keep up, and therefore a lack of self-confidence.
Dr. Campbell tells MOJEH: "Narcissistic people get their self-esteem and self-confidence by trying to be better than others. This means they may exploit other people's fears in an attempt to outshine them and nothing could be easier for them. Studies have revealed that the average millennial worries for four hours a day, while 71% wake up in the middle of the night to think about their current stressors up to three times a week. With more and more people suffering from depression and anxiety, thanks to those who have torn their lives apart with isolation and an interest in displaying every detail of their lives to the world, it's easy for narcissists to prey on their victims both in real life and online.
"Narcissists often use people to look and feel good," says Dr. Campbell. "That's why these celebrities hang out with all their friends - the so-called entourage. They always try to gather people around them who will love to hang out with them and praise them all the time. Speaking of entourages, I can't help but mention the one of Taylor Swift, which made the hashtag #SQUAD famous and included the names of Victoria's Secret models and high-profile actresses such as Karlie Kloss, Cara Delevingne, Gigi Hadid and Selena Gomez. It's no wonder that our confidence and self-esteem are on the decline as we constantly strive for the perfect body, an unrivaled resume, or dating the perfect person. Dr. Campbell comforted us by saying: "What I'm talking about here is just a trait. "We all have narcissism in one way or another, and most people have it in moderation, while others have it too high and others too low. "However, there is a strong correlation between social media and narcissism," he says. Evidence suggests that people who love themselves spend more time on social media and tend to post more details of their lives than others, especially things that are provocative to other people.
"I have found that narcissistic people use social media to promote themselves," Dr. Campbell explains. But at the same time, he rejected the idea that social media turns all users into narcissists. Instead, he explained, it just attracts them. He says:'' Social media doesn't turn all users into narcissists just by using it. If it did, I would have predicted it 10 years ago. So why does the National Institutes of Health say that people in their 20s are three times more likely to develop narcissistic personality disorder than people in their 60s or older?
We can attribute these studies and discoveries to millennials' endless attempts at self-promotion and bragging, when in fact there is a larger culture that emphasizes more on the importance of self-esteem. We are also dreamers. Dreamers who witnessed the election of the first African-American president. A man whose slogan was summarized in one pivotal word: Hope. We are dreamers who have seen an unprecedented number of women ascend to important positions in male-dominated industries ( حيث تشغل السيدات الإمارتيات الآن 66% من وظائف القطاع العام و30% من الوظائف المختصة بصنع القرار داخل حكومة الإمارات). Rather than falling into the abyss of selfishness, perhaps the modern woman is the hope and the vehicle that will lead us to a revolution that will break past generations' ideas of oppression and conformity.
Recently, over a million women took to the streets in many capitals in support of the #MeToo and Time's Up campaigns in protest of harassment and the gender pay gap. Consider the possibility that millennial women have become more confident in their abilities and more aware of their self-worth than narcissistic, thanks to their presence in an ever-expanding world full of opportunities.
Is it possible that our self-confidence is being mistaken for narcissism? I think so. And I live in hope that we will dazzle everyone by becoming the greatest optimistic generation in history.
